If we are trying to find peace, clarity or self control the only place they exist is at the centre.. when you are balanced in your thoughts, feelings, emotions... thats when those things are accessible and without those things nothing else is possible in terms of self improvement. So you need to put balance at the centre of everything you do.
We can often think of this imbalance as "conflict", which can be useful as this is somethign we can identify on an emotional level, but can also be useful to think about it in terms of imbalance as this hints at how to resolve it... an equal and opposite force, whereas conflict is ugly, ill defined and most of us would rather avoid!
<h2>Internal vs External Balance</h2>
&nbsp;
Teenagers go to extremes, its how we learn where the <a href="/concept/healthy-boundaries" target="_blank" rel="noopener">boundaries</a> are.. we can only understand where the centre is once we have found all the boundries. Imagine trying to find the centre of a shape without first seeing the outline.. its impossible.&nbsp;
Stability can be off putting becaise it seems boring but in order to do anything worthwhile, to stick at it, to nurture the kinds of relationships and opportunities that make like interesting, we need a strong stable base on which we can operate. Strong of body, of mind and resiliance. Strength in the mastery of your thoughts and emotions. This is why it is the single most important concept I can hammer into you.
And I will.
Relentlessly!

Itzerott Concept Of Balance In A Healthy Mind. Hand Drawn Black Aa196c01 68ef 4297 9ef1 520f4d2d68df

Balance

<h2>Up the down escalator</h2>
It is a scientific fact that the natural flow of things is downward, from order to chaos - that's entropy.
If it often feels like the world is working against you, well, that's because it is. Everything we do requires more effort than it seems it should do.
We are constantly fighting unwanted changes in our lives and around us, fighting to hold attention, to figure out what we want, to keep up with news, friends, trends, getting dinner ready, to get more sleep. We fight for more time in the day or to at least slow things down enough to enjoy some of that time. Hell we fight gravity just to get out of bed in the morning!
This is why even though we are trying to do things, to improve, to fight forward... we appear to be standing still. When we DO actually take a breather and effectively "do nothing", we even seem to go backwards a bit!
Life is lived forwards and understood backwards, but that forwards direction is always against the flow. It may seem unnatural, going against the flow, but is the very thing that makes life possible, the necessary friction as it were. We are swimming upstream against the flow of water, we are running full pelt up the down-escalator, just to appear to be casually walking up it.
It is exhausting.
This has only gotten harder in the past decade as the lens of social media, invites us to validate our efforts, achievements and lifestyle against hundreds or potentially thousands of examples of what appear to be happy, successful people doing things far more glamourous or interesting than we currently are.
It is the invisible chain we all wear around our necks, so do what you can to see that chain. See it on your friends and family, your coworkers, the people you strike up conversations with on the commute and those you avoid! Treat everyone like they are putting a brave face on things and most importantly... give YOURSELF a break!
<h2>Perspective</h2>
The reason we tend toward negative thoughts so much is that downward trajectories such as negativity, chaos and destruction are easy. When you think about it, they are pretty much automatic and default.
Inaction or lack of intervention will, for the most part, lead to regression and negative outcomes and we can only do so much!
Taking a break when we most need to dig in and push through is appealing and necessary for normal function and when we lack confidence or enter a freeze state it gets worse and we want to just let go completely.
The effort to counterbalance this experience seems wildly disproportionate. It's infinitely harder to summon the same amount of positivity for sustained periods when we are already feeling ao negative... It's a terrible catch 22 scenario.
The other option than counterbalancing in this way, is "course correcting".
?? This is less extreme, but yields less obvious and immediate results so you have to trust the process and go at it for longer. It's more about trending water than improving though so a coping mechanism

Upthedown

Illusion of progress

One of the most important types of first principle are the ones that give us skills that enable us to better use and adapt to other principles and indeed any of the topics we are going to cover. Just like balance and incremental improvement, this is another important one.
You are not your mind.
We evidence this and remind ourselves simply by observing our ability to observe our thoughts.
We have been conditioned to the contrary, quite intensively
We live in the world of our mind, sometimes to hide, sometimes because our mind wont seem to leave us alone! We disassociate with our bodies often on an emotional level if we are not pleased with our aesthetics. We view our bodies as the enemy when they fail us, as if they are a 3rd party to our sense of self. When we feel pain we are told to remember its all in the mind, further distancing the physical from the mental and emotional. We see the body as just a vessel for our true selves. Its a good part of how many in the western world deal with the concept of mortality.
In reality, the body is much more than a vessel. If you look at it philosophically, you can make easy arguments either way. But the most valuable lens though which to look at this is in terms of outcomes. We want to feel more capable, have more clarity. We need to have more control.
Our body then needs to be seen as far more than a vessel we control and are trapped within. Consider that we feel most engaged, most present and capable when we feel fully in the moment physically present, actively, physically engaged. Our mind and body working in perfect sync.
You cannot fix what you cannot see.
Most of us live our lives, unconsciously. We opt for convenience and coping mechanisms, rather than discovering and insisting upon what is truly best for us and building resilience. Coping mechanisms create a safe space for us. In times of conflict, when your environment is unsafe, it is necessary to maintain this space. But if we live in this way, and make it truly part of how we identify, how we see ourselves and allow others to see us, what happens?
If we are constantly distracting ourselves from what is really going on inside, from noticing what is unhealthy in favour of maintaining a safe space, then what happens when we want to grow, want to change, to improve the quality of our lives? We are, at best, in a holding pattern where we cant move by design! If we live our lives in a way which stops things from getting to us, then we can also not get to anything else. It flows both ways. We discover that we are prisoners of our own coping mechanisms.
So how can we break free from this cycle of coping and stagnation? How can we see ourselves more clearly and make positive changes in our lives? One possible solution is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the act of paying attention to the present moment, without judgment or attachment. Mindfulness helps us to observe our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and actions, without identifying with them or being controlled by them. By doing so, we can gain insight into our patterns, habits, and triggers, and learn to respond rather than react to situations. We can also cultivate compassion, acceptance, and gratitude, which are essential for our well-being and happiness.
Mindfulness is not a quick fix or a magic bullet. It requires commitment, patience, and practice. But it can be a powerful tool for transforming our lives, if we are willing to go beyond merely giving it a try and strive to embody such principles. See yourself as someone who is mindful in this way, by default.
Mindfulness can help us to see ourselves more clearly, to accept ourselves more fully, and to live more authentically. It can also help us to connect more deeply with others, with nature, and with ourselves. Mindfulness can help us to see that which was hidden by mad patterns we should no longer be hanging onto and identifying with and to forge an identity which is in perfect alignment with our goals and vision for ourselves.
Further reading: The Power Of Now - Eckhart Tolle

Sense Of Self

You are not your mind

Not everything needs specific ROI. Not everything is about goals! On a macro level, maybe, but we get so hung up on RESULTS. This always causes the most amount of people to give up... "Well that didnt work!"
It wasnt supposed to ... not like that!

Incremental conditioning

builds on incremental conditioning and you are not your mind.

Affirmations

Presence

Here and now

Intro
Something
..
If you cant seem to move forward in your mind.. focus on your body. Body improves mind and vice versa. Take excercise for example. When we are anxious we have a tendancy to examine our mind in order to make sense of or try to control the experience, but this is somethign which lives, often for years in the central nervous system.
Ever been for a massage and were suprised when you were told how tense you were. We often dont realise just how much tension and stress we hold in our bodies.

Regulate

Regulating the nervous system

Innerchild

Inner child

Trauma

Trauma response

Healthy Boundaries

Good vibes only.
Stop that. Please stop that.
Relentless, mindless blocking of negativity will not only do no good, it will do harm.
You have to learn to be comfortable with negative aspects of your mind, for two reasons
<ol>
<li>Helps look at your issues objectively as you wont feel so uneasy that you cant consider things properly</li>
<li>There are somethings you will just have to live with. There I said it. Positives and negatives co-existing in our minds and daily lives is natural, normal.. good, even!&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
When you really work to achieve a disciplined mind, you can not only feel more comforable working on the negatives, but start discern between two very different types of negative thought... those automatic negative thoughts, which do no good for anyone and are plainly not true or of any value, and those negative realities, often based on guilt or compensated guilt, (which is really just a higher level of guilt). The latter is significant and important in that when you face those with objectivity they can be a powerful motivator and focus point for driving change toward better goals.

Image (14)

Toxic Positivity

Ypou are not a pscyhologist or psychiatrist. Unless of course you do happen to be, in which case I'd like to apologies for inadvertantly making that assumption.
But let's assume you are not.
Dont try to fix everything. This might seem to fly in the face of what this blog is about. But we are not saying this is the complete solution. It isnt. It can never be. In fact, any thing that tells you it is, ISNT. We can help you get to a place where you can do all the work you CAN do. Using these tools you will be in a place where you will be able to identify a great many things with new perspectives and control. Many of those things you can and will be able to, with time and effort, resolve, but there may be some which really require expert guidance.&nbsp;
You'll not only know that, but be in a position where you can tell which is which!
Remember the core concept about accepting the things you cannot change? The concepts here allow you to prioritise the stuff you can do and the stuff you should do first, to accept you need help where help is most appropriate and in some cases, accept that there are some things you may just need to learn how best to adapt to or minimise.
Where alot of self help literiture gets it wrong, is with the focus exclusively on psycological concepts. These are of course crucial and we cover these in our own way, but as you're not an expert on psycology, and neither are we, you know what your time is better spent on? Learning what taking care on a physical, biological level, of your brain! Its so overlooked for something which has an abundance of practical easy action you can take vs something full of seemingly abstract concepts and subjective experience.

Image (10)

Brain health

<h2>I will try to improve</h2>
Just like thoughts, words are powerful. If a few words can sometimes be very hurtful to other people, just think what a lifetime of words can do to yourself.
You hear &ldquo;you are what you eat&rdquo; a lot, but its also true that you are your thoughts and you are your words too.
When we speak to ourselves, or to others about what we are going to do, we very rarely commit to anything.
<ul>
<li>&ldquo;I&rsquo;ll try to call you later&hellip;&rdquo;</li>
<li>&ldquo;I&rsquo;ll try and get this room tidied today&hellip;&rdquo;</li>
<li>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m thinking about joining the gym&rdquo;</li>
</ul>
Why? Some of it is habit from a time in our lives where we were very unsure or we didn&rsquo;t want to set goals for ourselves. We can leverage affirmations here to help start to reprogram how we think about and therefore how we talk about ourselves and our intentions.
Other times it is more about expectation management, and that is fair, essential and responsible even. I certainly don&rsquo;t want to discourage that. You saying, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m thinking about joining the gym&rdquo;, may actually be a fair assessment and you really are genuinely mulling it over. It is important to be present and open enough to know for sure if we are setting an expectation for someone based on realistic prospects&hellip; or you are merely not comfortable committing and want to leave the door open to not feel as if you have failed should you not follow through. If you do this, its much more likely that not following through is exactly what you will do.
Some of the reticence to be more certain in the way we talk of our intentions is down to this simple fear of failure. This is understandable, but notice that when you choose to make this change, you not only deal much better with it emotionally, but you own your failure meaning you stop fearing it and are therefore less likely to fail or not even try in the first place.
Becoming more confident and opening up opportunities like that is well worth the risk and feeling of failing.
What's wonderful about this is that it is so easy to start implementing. You will catch yourself talking how you used to and correct yourself mid sentence. Although like many other things in this book, the resulting effect is cumulative, there is noticeable change very quickly.

You are what you say

Meditation

<ul>
<li>Problem you are experiencing</li>
<li>Contextualising for the world</li>
<li>Solution pt1 - stimulants and rhythms</li>
<li>Solution pt2 - Brain space.. plus anxiety and nervous system affected</li>
<li>Remember</li>
</ul>

Sleep

<h2>I insist you read this.</h2>
Assertiveness is an art that requires a delicate balance of confidence, clear boundaries, and emotional intelligence. It&rsquo;s not just about being heard; it's about respecting yourself and others in the process. Getting assertiveness right means knowing what you want and being able to communicate it clearly, yet respectfully.
Confidence is the foundation of assertiveness. It's that inner conviction about your worth, needs, and abilities. But it's not just about feeling confident; it&rsquo;s about displaying it through your actions and words. The first step is to clearly identify what you want. This clarity helps in setting and enforcing boundaries. It's essential to establish these boundaries to protect your values and needs without encroaching on others' rights. It&rsquo;s about saying &ldquo;yes&rdquo; to yourself and &ldquo;no&rdquo; to what doesn&rsquo;t align with your priorities or values.
However, assertiveness isn't just about being firm; it&rsquo;s also about how you convey your stance. This is where balancing direct communication with contextual and emotional intelligence comes into play. It&rsquo;s about understanding the nuances of each situation and adapting your approach accordingly. For example, being assertive in a professional setting might look different from how you assert yourself in personal relationships. Understanding the &ldquo;type&rdquo; of relationship at hand is crucial in navigating these different scenarios.
An essential aspect of assertiveness is respecting others while staying true to yourself. You can be compassionate and empathetic, acknowledging others' feelings and viewpoints without letting these emotions erode your stance. This balance is key. It&rsquo;s about maintaining your boundaries firmly yet kindly. When you empathize with others, you&rsquo;re not compromising your needs; you&rsquo;re simply recognizing their humanity. It shows that you&rsquo;re considerate and respectful, which in turn fosters respect towards you.
In conclusion, assertiveness is not about aggression or passivity; it's about expressing yourself confidently and respectfully. It involves knowing what you want, setting boundaries, understanding the context, and showing empathy. By mastering these elements, you can communicate effectively, maintain healthy relationships, and stay true to yourself. Remember, being assertive means respecting both your needs and those of others, creating a harmonious balance that benefits everyone involved.

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